Craig Wilson

Hello, my name is Craig, I am a believer who struggles with chemical dependency, co-dependency, sexual addiction, anger issues, pride issues...just to name a few.  
I am honored to have the opportunity to share with you how God has saved me.  I want to talk today about my need for recovery which did not just happen two years and two months ago, when I wound up at the front steps of Central Care Mission.   My need for recovery can be traced back to my childhood, when at the age of five years old, I began finding ways to “escape” from reality.  

My parents were not bad people--- but, as we develop as parents, we learn that the things we do have an effect on our children.  Needless to say, at five years old, I was searching for ways to escape my circumstances, to relieve the pain I didn’t even know I was feeling.  It was about this time that I stumbled across my father’s PLAYBOY collection, and thus began a lifelong affair with pornography.   I was Five years old in need of recovery.
My father was a functional alcoholic.  He was never abusive, he never missed work.... I used to see him put away a case of beer on a Saturday afternoon, like it was nothing.  Naturally, I began drinking at a very young age.  I remember being so drunk at one family New Years Eve party, I spent most of the night hugging the toilet bowl and telling everyone it was something I ate.  I was ten years old in need of recovery.

When I was twelve years old, I found out that my father had been cheating on my mom.  He left and got his own apartment.  I hated him, but I pretended it did not bother me.  It still bothers me now.  A year later, he came back and stayed until I was eighteen, but things were never the same and he kept having affairs.  They eventually got divorced.... he ran off with his secretary. Once again, I pretended it did not bother me.

When I was fifteen years old, my girlfriend and I began experimenting with sex.  She became pregnant and her father forced her to get an abortion.  It was at this time I discovered marijuana.
I began using marijuana everyday.....skipping school to go get high, all the while maintaining a near 4.0 grade point average.  When faced with disciplinary action because of my excessive absences and confrontational behavior, I got out of it because of my musical abilities.  The dean of my high school was a musician!)    I was fifteen years old, a master of manipulation and a functional addict.  You could probably say that I was in need of recovery.  

This behavior of denial and self gratification continued through high school, I even patterned my sexual behavior after my father, engaging in various relations outside of my supposed, “monogamous” relationship with the girl I dated for almost five years.  I graduated from high school in 1990 with a 3.9 grade point average, 32 college credits and an academic and music scholarship to Stetson University.
I was also addicted to pornography, marijuana and a closet alcoholic.   I WAS READY FOR COLLEGE!!!!

At Stetson, my musical abilities really began to blossom.  I would spend most of my days in classes, and 4 to 6 hours a day practicing.   My list of addictive substances also began to blossom.  Things were falling apart between my parents..... My grandmother in Miami was on her deathbed with colon cancer and my mother had gone there to be with her......  I received a call from the Altamonte Springs police department to bail my father out of jail for a DUI.  I remember talking to him like I was the adult and he was the child..... but we were the same....  around this time I discovered mushrooms and LSD. 
Not long after that my father ran off with his secretary and left my mother alone to pick up the pieces.
I was running too.   

At the age of 20, I left college to go on the road with the band I was playing in.  That only lasted a few months and I returned to Orlando disappointed and depressed.  I began to distance myself from family and friends and began surrounding myself with people who were also addicts.  I discovered cocaine and pain killers at this time.  I developed co-dependent relationships with anyone willing and worked any job I could manage to hold on to,  all the while using and selling drugs to keep myself numb.
At the age of 22, I became part of the retro-hippie culture, joined a band called HEMP and went on the road again... this time on a quest to save the world, promoting the use of drugs as a pathway to peace.  For years, I had been searching for a positive father figure in the drug culture I was now a part of.  Needless to say, I never found one.  I decided to take this opportunity to find my dad, who I had not seen or heard from in about 3 years.  We were on our way up to play at Woodstock ’94 and while passing through Mechanicsville, VA I was able to find him.  We spent one night there and when leaving, I felt a large lump on his upper back.  I urged him to go see a doctor, told him that I loved him and went on my way.  I had no idea this would be the last time I would see him alive.  

Later that year, I found myself sitting in a jail cell in New Jersey on charges of possession of paraphernalia w/ intent to distribute, possession of marijuana, acid and a few other things.  I was released on my own recognizance and spent most of the winter in New Jersey, before hitchhiking back to Florida.
In February of the next year, my father died from cancer.  I chose to not go see him.  I did go to the funeral....  I couldn’t recover from that....the substances I was using didn’t seem to help either...around this time I discovered heroin and began smoking crack cocaine off and on.   At this point of my life, if I was awake, I was high on something.  This went on for several years, working any job I could, playing in bands, getting kicked out of bands for my extravagant lifestyle, losing jobs..... selling and using drugs, getting arrested......

I met my ex-wife in the middle of this chaos.... she was an alcoholic; I was a complete addict..... It was perfect.  We entered outpatient counseling and rehab together...  she became pregnant, we were married, and I went back to school and earned a Bachelors Degree in Music Education.  God began calling me and nudging me into Ministry.... I was soon the music director at Trinity United Methodist Church part time, teaching elementary school music and band full time, while building a private student base of nearly 50 students.  This was my daylight gig....at night, I was still using and selling drugs.  Our marriage started off seemingly good, with a new career, a new beautiful baby boy, almost a year of “almost clean” time.  But despite God’s prevenial grace, no real change had taken place in my heart and old behaviors began to resurface.  The marriage quickly took a turn for the worse and so did our sobriety.  After two years, we were divorced and the next three were a roller coaster of drug use and depression for me, as we battled over custody of our son and struggled with tense relationships between Cameron’s two families.  My work began to suffer and I soon found myself shooting heroin again to ease the pain.  I began smoking crack again and ingesting massive quantities of pain medication.  Everything in my life was rapidly moved from bad to worse and I reached a point where I just did not want to go on living.

My job at the church was about to end and I reached out for help....Of all people, I called my boss, who was my pastor.  He proved he was my friend and brought me to Central Care Mission, a faith based, residential treatment program for men in Orlando, a place where I could finally get the help I needed.  After a couple of weeks in the program, I realized that I had never fully committed my life to Christ and decided I really wanted to take that next step......and I did.  Since that time, over three years ago....I have changed dramatically. I have been given a chance to evaluate my life, recognize areas that needed attention and God’s healing and for the first time in my life, that I can remember anyway, be genuinely happy with who I am.  God has opened up doors of opportunity in areas of ministry that I never thought possible, the areas that really ignite my passion----people and music.  The relationships in my life have been restored---- all of them.   I have been given a whole new sense of purpose and direction.  I have been changed and I will never be the same.